COUPLES CARE TESTIMONIALS

“I came to Couples Care Center with a crumbling marriage and an attitude that I made the sun come up every day and needed nothing.  I was strong enough to achieve anything I wanted in life.  I was a man who was so driven with work that not much else mattered.  I loved my wife and children very much and thought that the more success I had at work the more I could provide and that was love.  Then it happened, my world came crashing down on me.  It was what I thought was a sudden collapse but in reality it was a very long time coming.  I had to find help to save my family, although I didn’t know it at the time it was Suzette that God sent as the angel to teach me how to put me and my family back on the tracks of life.  Counseling taught me how things should be in a healthy marriage. Entering the program of Couples Care Center turned out to be the greatest decision I have ever made in my life.  While the road wasn’t always easy, I learned so much about being a father and husband throughout the contract and the intensive retreats, but nothing was as great in my life as you setting me out on a journey with God.  I speak with God daily, even throughout the day and no longer does satan torment me, and if I feel satan’s presence, I just move closer to God.  There are no words I can use to express my gratitude for what you have done in my life, only that you are the angel that was sent to light the path and I will be eternally grateful to you.  Tonight I am proud to say that my bride and I are going to dinner to celebrate our 34th year of marriage!!!!” (V. /male)

 

 

“Several months ago we arrived at a very dark and painful crossroads in our marriage.  We were not speaking to each other, living separate lives, and it seemed we could go separate ways. (wife) “ It was a very hard place, I felt alone, afraid, ashamed, and angry.  I felt done.  I tried to keep up appearances for this was the family I had so longed for- the iconic family.  However, I realized that I had turned my family into an idol.  It grieves me to realize my sin and the undeserving pressure…I put on my family.” (husband) “Knowing what I learned as a child from my father, I needed to provide for my family at all cost. Three home relocations with promotions seemed like the way to go.  Working late, working at home, always trying to be the best provider I could be, but in reality I was neglecting my wife, my children, our family.  We struggled for many years.   We had disconnected emotionally from each other and our communication suffered, as did our listening and love for each other.  And most importantly we were not praying together.  I was hurting inside.”  (couple)  “This past March we signed an 16 week Intensive Contract with Couples Care Center.  We are just coming to the end of the contract, meaning we have passed the telltale 12 week mark…for 2 people who were barley speaking together and living separate lives, we can attest to God doing a miracle in our lives.  It has been hard work and we are very grateful.  Counseling guided us through intensives, which reveled childhood wounds, and how through those wounds, we have unintentionally wounded each other, repentance & forgiveness.  This has led to a rejuvenation of our marriage.  The contract provided us tools to continue to grow together, to learn to pray together, listening and understand each other through Patio time and issue night and dating again.  We have a greater understanding of the Gospel and God’s grace.” (M. & A. couple)

“I’m sure each experience at Couple’s Care Center is unique. My husband and I met with Suzette for some premarital counseling shortly before we got engaged. He wasn’t as open to “counseling” as I was, but after about 10 minutes with Suzette his opinion quickly changed. The knowledge she had about relationships, habits, people and how they are wired, along with her incredible ability to discern immediately gave my husband and I a deep respect for this woman. We both trusted her. We had a few sessions, established a foundation and at that time didn’t really need anything more.  Fast forward until our 10th month of marriage. I caught my husband messaging on social media and stuck in what I thought was a “porn struggle.” Back to Suzette we went. How to move forward? We had only been married a short time and already the foundation of trust and promise before Christ on which our marriage had stood had been ripped from under me. It wasn’t easy. In fact, the first few sessions with her were some of the hardest conversations I have ever had to have in my life. A friend encouraged me to trust the process and the Holy Spirit in Suzette and pray. That’s what I did.   My husband and I entered into contract. I needed to see if he was even willing to do the work. By God’s grace, he was. Suzette guided us through disclosure… so many secrets had to be confessed. The man I thought I knew was a stranger, an addict, a manipulator and a liar. It was like physical therapy. I could stand with my husband, but he had to do the work and fight for the marriage. Suzette helped me process my hurt, denial, naivety, co-dependence and the things I had been doing to enable the marriage. My husband began to learn things about himself that he had never known. Slowly but surely he began to be able to separate himself, from the addict and all the mess that comes with being an addict. Those first few months in contract were truly heartbreaking, but I wouldn’t change a thing. The Lord taught both my husband and I so much. I believe our healing came forth speedily. Again, by God’s grace we didn’t have decades of lies and dysfunctional habits to break. I was 25 and he was 26 when we brokenly came into treatment. I can’t tell you how thankful I am, that we had that foundation established with Suzette. She became like the mother of our marriage and guided us toward Christ and health.  The activities of the intensive that Suzette guided us through, helped point out our coping mechanisms and “couple’s dances” were eye opening. The time in worship and mediation was some of the most beautiful Spirit filled moments I had ever had. The wisdom that Suzette was able to share brought revelations and breakthroughs for both my me and my husband. I remember continually asking the Lord to keep my heart open to the process and open to whatever He had planned for the time that weekend, and I was like a sponge. The community with others that were in the contract was a crucial part of my husband and I making it through. We had others to lean on, ask for prayer from, and cry with. A weekend when all of the masks are thrown to the side and the real people come out truly makes for freedom.” 

 

CONTRACT

“Being under contract with Suzette was probably the hardest thing we’ve ever done.  It was also the most rewarding.  The things that I learned about myself as well as my wife, during our time under contract are immeasurable.  At times, it was like drinking water from a fire hose, but the amount of growth and healing in such a short period was unbelievable. Suzette’s ability to discern and challenge are unmatched.  We were sure that she had our house bugged!  The structure provided by the contract allowed me and Kristen to focus on overcoming the strongholds that plagued each of us instead of the do’s and don’ts and the who’s rights and who’s wrongs.  There was no ‘I don’t feel like it anymore’ or ‘oh we forgot’ because there was a specific plan for putting our marriage back together.  Suzette opened our eyes to how deep and far back our sins truly went.  There are struggles that have been a thorn in my side since I was a kid, and without a doubt would never have been able to overcome them, let alone realize them, without the guidance of Suzette.  Most importantly, Suzette didn’t just stop at fixing the symptoms. Finding the root of our sins allowed us to deal face to face with the very moment/memory when a lie implanted itself into our lives.  She not only provided the means to do that, but imparted wisdom and a skill-set set that allows us to continually work on our marriage long after the contract is complete.  Two things need be present for sin to take place: opportunity and desire.  While the contract helped recognize and remove the opportunity for removing the desire to sin.

COUPLES INTENSIVE

“Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. Colossians 3:16

 

There was a moment during our couple’s intensive.  We were doing this exercise.  It involved writing every negative thought/lie you’ve ever believed about yourself on a coffee filter.  Upon reading it to the group, individuals would come and pray over you and encourage you with what the Lord put on their hearts.  It was my turn.  I was still in a very rough spot at the time.  I don’t remember exactly why, but Suzette sent me out the room to spend some time alone with God and pray.  I sat in silence angry for having being called out like I was.  After what felt like an eternity, the Lord began to move.  For every single lie I had written on that filter, he gave me a verse of truth that rebuked it.  EVERY. SINGLE. LIE.  Eighteen to be exact.  I know because I still have the coffee filter.  After sharing it, many of the people I had just met the previous day encouraged and prayed for my soul; not only in that moment, but throughout the weekend and months to follow.  MONTHS!  Even to this day there are several couples that we still maintain friendships with.  Spiritual truth through a vessel like Suzette has a lot of weight, but it has become expected throughout our time together.  But when it comes through people who are sitting in the same chair you are, who are fighting the same fight you are, who are trying to silence the same lies you are, making the same apologies you are, who are dealing with the same shame you are; when spiritual truth comes via those people!?  IT.  HEALS. There was only one thing that did more for our recovery than hearing the couples that weekend say, “you’re not alone.”  That was hearing Kristen say it. Up until the couples intensive, we were so alone.  I mean there were friends and family that knew what we were going through.  There was even an accountability group of a couple of my close friends that I told EVERYTHING to, but I might as well have been talking to a wall.  Not to say they weren’t helpful and encouraging, but unless you’ve been there, unless you’ve been through counseling, unless you’ve been through a recovery process, you don’t fully comprehend.  From the small things like the lingo used to the big things like God’s grace; there was no one that truly understood.  Until the couples intensive.  There were instantly 5 other couples that knew exactly what we were going through, that were walking through it in those very moments with us, besides us, sharing our load, sharing their load with us.  We weren’t alone, we weren’t broken, we weren’t outcasts, none of that stuff on the coffee filter was true anymore. James 5:16 Therefore, confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective. Just like the couple’s intensive, the men’s intensive provided invaluable additions to my support system when walking through recovery.  The men’s intensive provided a glimpse of a reality that was and continues to be so contrary to what society tells you what a man should be.  The world tells you men should be rich, smart, strong, suave, loud, drive nice cars; that men shouldn’t show emotions, or cry, or show weakness, shouldn’t talk about their feelings.  The world says it’s cool or acceptable to be a “ladies man” or a “man whore”….  “The more people you have sex with, the more of a man you are”.  I know these statements aren’t true, but part of me believed them.  Part of every man there that weekend believed them at some point in their lives.  We were all trying to get out the ruts we had dug for years by believing those lies.  There is so much power in struggling through something like that together with other men.  Grace is so different to someone who goes through recovery and finds redemption and completing the process alongside someone yields an unbreakable bond.  The level of understanding from Carter and the other guys there was so refreshing.  It’s so exhausting communicating your thoughts to someone who can never fully understand your sin struggle.  But they just knew.  They got it.  They lived it.  They are living it.  They knew the lies I would tell because they told the same ones!  Men’s intensive provided a safe place for me to talk about my side of the story in a very real, raw way.  It allowed me to get “practice” talking about my feelings and discuss my grooming patterns without wondering if it was too much, or if anyone understood.”

   INTENSIVE CLIENT EVALUATIONS

The way the intensive impacted my own life spiritually

 

- Being in the Spirit every day gives me a whole new perspective and grounding.  Practicing the spirit together, as a couple, or just in my own personal walk, makes all the difference in the world.

- Being able to understand how our trauma paths actually impact our couple ship as well as us as individuals.

- Knowing that God will bear my suffering.

- There are three heavens and to take my case to the courts of heaven, along with the power of prayer and declaration.

- Is the order of God-His authority, alignment, being in agreement with Him, heavens, husband and wife.  

- Coming to an understand of the importance of constant obedience.

The way the  intensive positively influenced my marital life

- It taught me to always speak the truth in love.

- How to recognize the source of old wounds both hers and mine, how not to react to those wounds, but be activated, recognizing what is really happening.

- To be equally spiritually yoked, to submit to my position in God’s order as a wife, and ways to pray for freedom from bondage and be loosed.

- The power of forgiveness, the ability to look at myself and take responsibility for my actions (negative or positive).

- The importance of joint spirituality.  I now understand my wife’s demons, which enables me to help her out of that pit.

- The importance of talking about our pasts, communicating openly and being vulnerable which will all bring healing.

- The importance of talking about our pasts, communicating openly and being vulnerable which will all bring healing.

The way the intensive will change my life moving forward

- I now have a greater understanding of God’s provisions and our positions in joyful obedience along with prayer and a newly found unity, harmony, hope and love.

- I have tools and a road map to navigate the journey ahead of me.

- There is a greater bond with hope for a new and real love for one another.

- By remembering our priorities and letters to one another that describe what we need from each other.

- I am able look at my wife differently, understanding her before wanting to be understood.

- Because of my own self-awareness, with sensitivity to my spouse, sensitivity to the fact that we are one flesh, and sensitivity to the enemy’s efforts to attack that truth.

- By remembering our priorities and letters to one another that describe what we need from each other.

CONTRACT  CLIENT  EVALUATIONS

-Because of our commitment which has become an understanding.  Our marriage will work and have true love and joy but only in Christ, for Christ, from Christ, and by Christ Jesus our Savior.

-By bringing real hope for a new beginning with a new understanding and tools to get us on the right path.

-By providing access to help and consistent guidance.

-By bringing real hope for a new beginning with a new understanding and tools to get us on the right path.

-Could your marriage have made the proper changes without the contract?   

 

-My marriage would not have made the proper changes without the contract.  We both needed to see our weaknesses by someone from the outside, together with a plan and a path to fix the situation.

 

-Perhaps the marriage could have made the proper changes without the contract but not without the third party intervention.  The contract is the framework but we just needed so much more.

 

-The contract made us commit the time and money and gave a new sense of importance and focus on working together.

    

Suzette B. Bonadona Humphreys

M.Ed., LPC, NCC Marriage Counselor

Author/Founder of The Scripted Journey

Founder and CEO of Couples Care Center & Counseling Services
 

Copyright 2019 The Scripted Journey . Edited by Karen Ruhl Photography & Design.

 

E-mail us at:

Suzette@thescriptedjourney.com 

Visit our professional counseling page: www.couplescarecenter.com